i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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