why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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