i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
