a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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