i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
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i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
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Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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