I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize