i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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