so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
