I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
