My Higher Power is John Stamos
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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