This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
