After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
