you traded sex for a burrito?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
