Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
