I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.