How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
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I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
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That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man