Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
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He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
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I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN