I'm lost and stupid without you.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
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I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
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He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I woke up naked with my work shoes on