Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA