Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
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He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
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her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room