if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.