If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
