Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
