He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
