Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Please, let me fuck your mom
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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