it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
