I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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