K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
