I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
