you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
