she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It's Friday. Sex?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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