Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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