I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
