Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
