So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Did I show you my penis last night?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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