Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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