I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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