I'm laying in your front yard are you home
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I am naked and annoyed.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize