We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
