Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
