If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
