I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
