my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
