the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
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Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
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I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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