Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.