dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
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So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
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Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life