There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were