Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
