The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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