Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
i think my mom watched the whole time
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
you made out with another girl for some wings
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.