just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize