i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize