I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
