I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
