I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
