dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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