Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
