Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
