ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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