I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
