p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
