Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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