Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
