Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
