There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
