i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
