its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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