just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
