In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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