pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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