Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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