i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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