I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I want to make a zoo with you.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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