Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
