I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
