vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
