Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
