The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
