just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
