chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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