Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
did i just pee glitter
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
