she woke up with a sticky ear
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
