listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
