I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
