There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
