Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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