did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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