I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
