I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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