so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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