I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
